I wonder if I can change? I mean can I really fundamentally change after 46 years of developing habits (good and bad)? A few years ago, I would have said of course I CAN change, but its purely a matter of WANTING to. I am no longer sure that is the case. At some point, if the probability of an event occurring is so low, so minute that it is unlikely, then the difference between the possibility (any chance greater than zero)and the actual outcome is irrelevant.
IF I could change, what would I change?
I would lose weight, eat healthier and exercise more.
I would figure out a way to not be so critical of myself, others and our institutions (government, education, religion, community).
I would explore a new career path that was less pragmatic (than being part of a supply chain that manufactures airplanes and weapons and spare body parts and oil rigs and power plants), something in the pure sciences or philosophy.
I would become less dependent on other people's opinion of me.
I would spend much more time thinking about Unified Theory, not because I could crack it, but because I know that I can't.
I would think about sex much less frequently.
I would write at least one poem a day about my true feelings toward the world, toward myself, toward my loved ones and toward humanity.
I would create a cook book, not for sale, but for family and friends, because I love to cook and never write any of my recipes down and my food brings joy to others, so why not give them the chance to have a part of me when I'm not there?
Since 1993, my personal Mission Statement has been:
To Love and Be Loved
To Learn and Experience New Things
To Perform Meaningful Work
To Find Inner Peace.
I would give myself an A- on the first line, a B- on lines two and three, but a disappointing C on the last line. Although, 11 years ago the grades would have been C, C, C and F and 16 years ago when I wrote it, they were mostly F's. I am not sure if my performance has improved (real change) or if my grading scheme has gotten easier... (laughs to self)
I wonder ......
6 months ago